and i brood about it all over again, and it still puzzles me why you're so mad. just a joke. those three words pound my mind everytime i try to unravel your mystery. a joke that spiralled out of control, and triggered off a bigger reaction than i could ever have envisioned. and josh says "it's been two and a half years, rah. forget it."

i wish. everything has settled into a comfortable groove, with you just at the back of my mind, not really obstructing anything, and me lost somewhere in the space of your big world, or maybe not even in it, seeing how it is entirely possible that you have thrown me into orbit 2 and a half years ago. i have given up hopes of seeing you or hearing you talk to me ever again. but still i keep alive a little hope that i might bump into you on the streets one day. even if i did, i wouldn't know what to say. i wager i'd turn into a corner and hide, not wanting to see you, not wanting to upset the precarious equilibrium i've reached after endless days of pondering and waiting. one relationship and one crush later, i find you're still here. and i liken you to a shadow. seemingly gone sometimes, but always there.

tonight i scramble thru such emotions and rationale, and this train of thought is not one with which i am unfamiliar, for i have gone thru the track of this train a thousand times.

scribbled
11:42 PM